A Stewardship Message from Iona Olive, Assistant Treasurer to the Vestry

November 2nd, 2023

I grew up with a lot of anxiety about money. My family struggled to make ends meet, and at times we relied on food stamps, food banks, free summer lunches at AISD schools, the church pantry and clothes closet. We even went through bankruptcy. We were fortunate to always remain housed, fed, clothed, and, for a time, loved and cared for by a church community.

Money still scares me, although I have more than enough to live a comfortable life. But it wasn’t that long ago that I was still living paycheck to paycheck, rarely being able to save much. Taking second or third jobs to earn extra money to cover unexpected expenses or irresponsibly used credit. Sometimes I just wasn’t making enough, but a lot of times it was just plain poor planning.

When I came to St. Mark’s in 2013, I had no intention of becoming a member. I just needed some extra money to make ends meet while I was in grad school. I was angry with God and the church. The church of my childhood had let me and my family down, and caused harm. What began as a place of love and acceptance and help had become a source of pain. I still dutifully stood up in the choir loft at St. Mark’s and sang the hymns and anthems, often through tears, wishing I could believe that there was God of love, but refusing to accept the possibility.

Not long after joining the choir, I went through a very difficult separation. I didn’t know where I was going to live, was short on money, and was barely hanging on to the grades I needed to finish grad school. Members of the choir gave me a place to stay while I was temporarily without housing. Travis Smith, our curate at the time, met me at JP’s Java every morning even before they opened to pray, talk, cry, and listen to confessions. As much as fault can be assigned in a breakup, the fault was very much on me, but the few people to whom I disclosed specifics did not judge or criticize, they listened and loved.

At St. Mark’s, it was impossible not to feel cared for, and safe enough to ask for help. And help was given. Spiritual, emotional, and material. 

I don’t know how I would have gotten through that time without St. Mark’s. I don’t know if I would have set foot in a church again if it wasn’t for St. Mark’s financial support for its musicians. And thank God Almighty for Mark Reed and his friendship, excellence as a musician and worship leader, and calm presence.

I do not have a budget at this moment. I should, but I don’t. Sure, I keep up with bills, because I am fortunate and make a decent wage, and my partner also works full time. For years I thought, I’ll start giving to the church once I get my head together about money. One pledge drive after another went by and I stayed scared. I don’t think I can credit anything but God’s presence in this community of transformational belonging that has provided the healing needed to feel safe and calm making a commitment to regular giving, and working towards a goal of tithing.

It probably sounds a little chaotic, maybe not ideal. If you are a person who has a budget and sticks to it, I admire you. You are a superhero in my eyes. But if you are someone who has a difficult relationship with money, you are not alone, and there is healing and grace at St. Mark’s. Maybe there really isn’t any amount of money that feels safe or accessible, or you need more time to heal. Maybe you have some time or talent to offer to feel more connected and in turn supported. Or maybe there is an amount that feels doable that you can start building on. Whatever that looks like for you, I pray that you are able to have a calm and faithful heart in it. I pray more than anything that you are finding hope, healing and a home at St. Mark’s.

— Iona Olive

“Many a burdened friend in their company rises
A heavy heart is soon released to fly
May their table be blessed with laughter and with grace
And by the comfort of kinship be surprised.”

- Fernando Ortega, Prayer for Home